Grey

“I used to be judgmental towards certain people, but after going through my life changes in the last 12 years, I cannot say that.” The class just sat there in an eerie, hushed silence. “I judged friends, family, even my own brother. Grey did not exist in my life. Only black and white. It wasn’t until 10 years later that I began to understand. It wasn’t until my life started falling apart did my eyes began to open. It’s wasn’t until the doctor gave me 6 months to live did I final understand the color grey and its importance. It was like my life was no longer mine, but became the very people I judged.

“Not me”, I used to say. “I will never use drugs. I don’t even like them or the people who use them.” My addiction spiraled in such a way until I had no choice but to see grey. I used to say to my family, “but you don’t understand…, yeah but…, you are all against me!” I had become the very person I judged and now I was the one asking for mercy. I was the one begging my family to see the grey. I was the one whose life now hanged in a balance and needed help. I fought with my brother constantly at the beginning of my addiction. I was haunted by the words he said to me 10 years earlier, “You’ll never understand unless you go through it”, and boy did I! For the next 12 years, I lived insanely, selfishly, wickedly. I was not the person who stands before you today. I would have found a way to take advantage of each and every one of you. You were no longer my friends; but my victims, and I cared nothing about you.

“Did my brother turn his back on me? No. He stayed with me throughout all the insanity, lies, hospital visits, and rehab. Not once did he judge me. He loved me when I could not love myself.

“Why did I tell you all of this? I did so because you need to start seeing more grey and less of black and white. You don’t know why they do the things they do. All they may need is a smile from you. They may want to stop using and can’t. Love them. Love them hard. Love them…,” he stopped as tears ran down his face. He took a deep breath. “Love them until they learn to love themselves. Be there for them. Protect them. Know when to stay and when to walk away. Take care of you when it seem like your life is in danger. The only thing I ask of you, is not to judge them. See grey and be there for them.”

The class stood up and loudly clapped. He had reached their hearts. Some of the kids were crying as they clapped. He got his point across. He had made a difference.